


Happy Birthday to Me

by MolollyWrites



Category: Original Work
Genre: Gen, Original Character Death(s), Sibling Death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-30
Updated: 2017-03-30
Packaged: 2018-10-12 22:42:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 755
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10500960
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MolollyWrites/pseuds/MolollyWrites
Summary: Adam’s 18th birthday is the first birthday after his twin brother, James’s, death, and the last thing he wants is to celebrate.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Set in my alternate ending for Adam and James, where James dies shortly after their 17th birthday.

I take a breath, and sit down on the grass. It’s been a while since I was here, a few weeks at least, and I regret not coming more often, but I had to stay away, at least for a while. I’m supposed to be at home now; mum and dad said that they didn’t want me to leave their ‘party’, or whatever those crowds of supposed relatives was called, but I couldn’t be without my brother on our birthday. I reach forward and trace his name with my fingers, trying to find what I wanted to tell him. I eventually settle on hello.

“H-Hey, Jamie. It’s been a while.” It has. It’s been far too long. “I’m sorry I haven’t come for a while, things have been… a little crazy recently. But, um, it’s our birthday! We’re grown ups, Jay. We made it.” Well, I made it. Finally old enough to drink, and hating the smell of alcohol; finally old enough to drive, and never wanting to get in a car again. It feels wrong. I should be sharing today with him.

“Me and Kayden might be moving soon. He’s going to university, and I might be going to go and live with him. He told me today, he found a place right near his building, and we might be able to afford it if his job keeps and my comics keep selling the way they are. I’m going to get out, I suppose.” That was Kayden’s big surprise today. For ages, I’ve been trying to prepare for him leaving, for having nowhere to go when I need to get out of the house. But he wants to take me with him. I said I wouldn’t go without Connor, though; no matter how much I want it, I can’t leave Connor to take my place. I won’t allow it. 

“There’s lots of planning to do first though… Aha, you were always better that saving money than me. If you were here, we’d be ready in a week!” But he isn’t here, he hasn’t been here for a long time. 

“But… you’re not. And you have no idea how much I miss you, Jamie. I don’t feel right. Everything is wrong without you here. And… I don’t want a party, I don’t want presents, I don’t want to escape. I just want you back. I just want you to come home, and be my brother, and talk to me, and… And I’m sorry. Because it’s all my fault. I asked to go out, I distracted Danny while he was driving, I put us all in danger. I… It’s my fault that I lost you. It is, it’s all I’ve thought about for the last year; how I wouldn’t be able to see my brother ever again because of some stupid mistakes.” Because of me, Oliver almost missed his brother’s birthday; Amy almost lost her brother, again; Kayden didn’t sleep for weeks, the mere thought of losing me in the crash enough to terrify him; and I lost James. My brother is _dead_ , because of me. 

“I… I’m so sorry, Jamie. I know it’s too late, and you can’t hear me, and you’ll never know how much I miss you and how much we never got to do, and I’m _so fucking sorry_. You deserved so much better. I wasn’t a good brother, I wasn’t a good friend, and you deserved so much better than me and this fucking hole in the ground. I’m so, so sorry, for everything. I miss you so much, Jamie.” I don’t know when I started crying, but from the way my eyes are burning I’m going to assume I’ve been doing it for a while. I lay my hand flat on the top of the tombstone and use it to push myself up. I can’t bear sitting here any longer; just seeing his name makes me want to join him again, and I can’t do that, not now. I run my other hand along the top of the gravestone neighbouring James - our sister, Sophie. It doesn’t help. 

“I’ll come and see you both soon, I promise.” My voice is cracking. They can’t hear me, I know they can’t, but for a moment it’s like I can feel them stood with me. I don’t feel as alone. It’s ridiculous, of course it is, but it’s nice. 

“I love you both. More than anything. You know that, right?” Knew that. They knew that. They’ll never know it again. 

Happy Birthday to Me.


End file.
